- Sheilagh Lee | @SweetSheil
- Bill Engleson | @billmelaterplea
- Lisa Carter
- Siobhan Muir | @SiobhanMuir
- Mark A. Morris
- Kelly Heinen | @Aightball
- Cate Derham | @Cate_Derham
- Daelyn Morgana
- Silver James | @SilverJames_
- Siren X Star | @sirenstar
Ruth Long | @Bullishink
What I liked: I was intrigued by the storyline, especially with it starting with a man running the bordello, and a woman nervously holding him at knifepoint but apparently not ruffling his feathers at all, as suggested by his dialogue and his boots placed casually on the table (great showing instead of telling!). This hook made me want to read more, to figure out what was going on. The story continues with intrigue on whether Josiah Fitch or Edina (who apparently needed “a convergence of bad intentions” to solve her problems) are good characters or villains. This complexity kept me reading, as did the reveal of more storyline at the end – these would be interesting characters to follow further in a story. The dialogue also felt very natural throughout.
Vivid detail: Good.
Grammar/writing style: Good.
Silver James | @SilverJames_
What I liked: This short had lots of obvious tension between the two characters. It starts the story right in the middle of a discussion, making it immediately interesting, and its physical details (saliva pooling, trembling hands, humorless laugh) allow the reader to experience the scene and guess the characters’ emotions even before they know what the characters are talking about. And the last two paragraphs make the wait worth it, there’s an interesting story going on here for sure! I liked the “not if I kill them first” ending line, the story ends with a punch!
Vivid detail: good
Grammar/writing style: good.
Mark A. Morris
Emily says: What I liked: It starts out with physical senses other than sight, immediately drawing you into the scene. There are two different areas of intrigue in the short story: is the narrator suicidal and why? And how altruistic..or perhaps sensual?...are the motives of his apparent rescuer? The 2nd to last paragraph has great, vivid detail and well-crafted sentences – I could almost hear the slow fade of the busy streets to the quiet shabby ones…either a retreat to something peaceful or perhaps something sinister, as suggested by the “claw-like hand”… makes you want the story to continue!!! I read this one twice to enjoy the dark mood and the storyline. Intrigue: Great! Vivid detail: Great! Grammar/writing style: Good.
The voice in his ear startled him, making him rock forward onto his toes. The hand on his shoulder pulled him back.
The man behind him was no-one he recognised. His voice was unfamiliar too. His eyes...his eyes were engaging, overriding his instinct to break away, to leap forward and lurch out into the street.
Into the path of a yellow cab. Or a city bus. Or in front of one of the limousines that never stopped for anyone.
The fingers gripped him tighter. There was to be no escape.
At least, not the one he’d been planning.
“I live close to here. Follow me.”
The stranger turned him away from the kerb, steering him back onto the footway.
Alex led away from the intersection, the hand applying a subtle pressure to direct him. The other man had gone quiet, the questions in his own head keeping him company. Where was he taking him? How long would it take to get there? And what did he have in mind?
The two of them walked away from the busiest streets; the buildings becoming shabbier and the pavements quieter. The numbers of limousines and buses and taxis dwindled, beat-up cars replacing them, many of them looking like they’d not moved for weeks. The light began to fade. A set of steps appeared to their right and they slowed, the hand becoming claw-like again.
“We’re here,” the man said. “You’re staying the night.”
Congratulations Two Time Winner Mark, Ruth, and Silver! Don't forget to claim your badges and display them with pride. You certainly earned it!
Pass on the great news on Twitter, Facebook, Google Plus, shiny mirrors, Morse Code, and signal flags. Check out all the original tales HERE. Just a reminder: there will be NO #THURSTHREADS NEXT WEEK because I'll be at a writing event. Thanks for stopping by and happy reading! :)